The Taboo of IVF….

I’ve been thinking about writing about this for a while. I’ve caught myself starting this and then stopping so many times over the last few weeks wondering if maybe I shouldn’t talk about it. That’s why I’ve decided to bite the bullet and go for it. I’m going to tell you a about the start of our journey with IVF.

IVF is such a taboo topic with a lot of people. I can understand why people don’t want to talk about it, but I just don’t think I’m that person. I’m generally a very open person. I also can’t lie for shit… A good quality i think.

We decided  about 2 years ago we were going to start being series about having a baby. We had just gotten married and we were very happy and this was the next step for us. I counted my days, we did ovulation tests.. The months dragged on and we were still not pregnant. I was getting more and more stressed which wasn’t good and with every month that we weren’t pregnant I was blaming myself more and more. I was convinced there was something wrong with me. With each month I was more and more heartbroken. A lot of my friends around me where falling pregnant and it seemed like every second one was sharing their fantastic news with me. Although I was so happy for them, I felt so hollow inside. I’m not gonna lie a few times I thought “Why isn’t it me!” after all I am only human.

Last year was a hell of a year for the two of us. Dave’s dad had a stroke during the summer and my Mam was in and out of hospital as well. But even with all these things going on we still where hopeful with each month. Eventually we decided we needed a break away, a late holiday. So of we went to Italy. While we were there I brought up IVF to Dave and asked him what he thought about maybe trying it come January. He said to me lets not wait. Lets look into it as soon as we get home. I was pretty surprised at this, but I think he must have realised how much this was weighing me down and that I was blaming myself over the fact we weren’t pregnant yet. We had a brilliant holiday after that and as soon as we got home I looked into different clinics.

I’d heard amazing things about the Rotunda IVF Clinic and so I called them. From the first conversation I had over the phone I knew I’d made the right decision. The woman was so kind. She offered us a cancellation appointment the next week or an appointment in 6 weeks time which would bring us to the start of December. I was surprised by this and the appointment the week after was just too soon. My mind couldn’t comprehend taking an appointment that soon so I took the one in December.

The 6 weeks flew in and a week before the appointment I had blood tests and Dave had a sperm test. The day arrive and it just so happened that we had a weekend booked away in Manchester to visit friends, our flight was later that afternoon. Our appointment was for first thing 8am I remember getting off the luas and walking down Henry street and thinking it was so quiet and surreal. We where both a bundle of nerves but also I was feeling excited. This was the start of our IVF journey we where going to get a baby at the end of this. It will be worth the expense and everything else in the end.

Oh how naive I was….

We got bad news that day, we probably wouldn’t have gotten pregnant naturally. Needless to say we were both shocked and didn’t know what to think. The Doctor was very positive and said there was a still a lot of options left. He wanted both of us to get a load of tests done in the next few months and see us again the end of January, we’d go from there. We went away that weekend in a bit of  a daze. I think it was a good thing us being away. It took our mind off things maybe not fully but a little.

When we got home, it took us a few weeks to get to the frame of mind that we had options and that we were a team, we could get through anything. We got through Christmas and launched into all our tests in January. Our next appointment arrived and we again landed in the Rotunda first thing on a Friday morning. But again the news wasn’t great. My FSH Levels (This is the hormone that measures how many eggs a woman has left) where slightly below normal for my age and again Dave’s sperm levels were low. Everything else for me looked good though so that was something. It was a lot to take in. I for one never thought that this was where we’d be.

Our Doctor recommended for us to see a friend in Sims IVF Dublin. They have more options for us in the long run. So that’s where we are at now. Three and a half months into this and my naivety at the start has been knocked out of me and the realization that IVF is not always bullet proof. There may be other factors that get in the way and it can be a long road of emotions and heartache.

I can’t stress enough, if you’re a woman and you want to have children get your FSH levels checked. It can be done by a simple blood test through your GP or by any woman’s health clinic. Don’t leave it till its to late and your options lesson. The Rotunda also have a great clinic and I would recommend them to anyone. They where so nice through every step we took with them.

IVF is very expensive in Ireland – I’m a lady so I wont get into how much we’ve spent so far but its a lot and we’re nowhere near done.

We still have options and we’ll go into the next step the same way we  go into everything as a team.

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